Re: draft-noisternig-ipdvb-sec-ext-00.txt (Editorial NiTs)

[Gorry Fairhurst <gorry@erg.abdn.ac.uk>]

Authors, I dent some comments and questions on the draft in a previous 
email. This email contains a few minor comments on editorial issues, 
that may improve the next version of this draft.

Best wishes,

Gorry

---
/Another feature provided is called identity protection./
- This reads oddly, I suggest something like:
/The method also provides identity protection./
---
/processing continues as usually/
- this should be /continues with the usual processing/, although it 
would be better to also cite a reference to indicate what this is.

---
/On securing the ULE SNDUs, security is provided at the link layer as
   opposed to existing higher-layer mechanisms like IPsec [8] or TLS
   [11]. This allows them to be used in/
- This reads oddly. Is it possible to say something like:
/This document provides security for ULE SNDUs at the link layer, iin 
contrast to higher-layer mechanisms, such as IPsec [8] or TLS
[11]. This design allows higher-layer mechanisms to be used in/
---
/The security extension may use and benefit f/
- This isn't quite so, you would would need to update these mechanisms, 
a forward reference to the appropriate section where this is discussed.
---
/The ULE security extension is designed to cope with both bi-
   directional and unidirectional links, as well as unicast and
   multicast settings./
- Could you replace /to cope with/ by /for/
- This would be a good place to identify the framework [RFC 4259]
---
Please add abbreviations:
GSE
VPN
SID
etc.
---
/Some of the main security services
   (mandatory or optional) that the security extension for ULE aims to
   provide are:/
- delete /aims to provide/? and say /provides/?
---
/even if it got hold of the transmitted data./
        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
- Can you rephrase in more formal English?
---
/arguably the most important step on providing/
- Is it possible to say something like:
/an important step in providing/
---
/While one
      solution for this is to use temporary addresses....
- is this text needed? (see other comments).
---
Page 6:
/digital signatures, may be used in order to assure source/
- I misread this. I don't think this talks about ordering, and so it 
would be better in this case to remove /in order/.
---
/ will not be able to derive a correct one./
       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
- True, it will be statistically hard, bit not impossible.
---
Page 7:
/received data is recent/
               ^^^^^^^^^
- could this be better phrased?
---
Page 8:
/After the ULE base header, the security extension header follows./
- May be better as:
/The security extension header follows the ULE base header./
---
Page 11:
/ In order to support
   shared SAs permitting bi-directional communication, an SAD should/
- May be better as:
/ To support shared SAs for bi-directional communication, an SAD should/
---
/ Each set of Security Parameters contains information about:/
- May be better as:
/ Each set of Security Parameters contains:/
----
/no security services at all,/
                      ^^^^^^
- delete /at all/?
---
/Note that we do not describe/
- better, perhaps as:
/This document does not describe/
---
/, as this is regarded implementation specific details./
- better, perhaps as:
/. This is regarded as implementation-specific detail./
---
Section 7.3:
/ Such protocol should/
      ^
- insert /a/.
---
/Link-level security is commonly used in broadcast/radio links to
   supplement end-to-end security, and may not be treated as a
   substitute./
- A substitute for what?
---
/A device may receive data from different MPEG-2
   multiplexes, which both may allocate PID values independently./
- cite reference to another RFC?

---
References:

Some references are uncited, e.g. [5].

It may be helpful to consider citing [10] and [4] as informational 
background to issues they consider. These are already published and 
citing them where appropriate would help the reader understand issues 
that have already been discussed.

---

Finally,
The following word appears in several place: /Illegitimate/ This has 
some additional meanings that are not intended here - could you replace 
by unauthoried or unintended or something similar?